I am writing this blog while sitting in a dorm at the University of California-Davis. I sit here in disbelief. Just 19 years ago I was pregnant with this child that whom I am moving home today. She has just finished her first year at college. This college is over 500 miles away from home.No one prepares you for this experience. The work of hauling home 9 months worth of accumulated clothes, room supplies, and assorted trinkets, not to mention an older, wiser and (hopefully) more mature child. For me, it has been 9 months of freedom-no disagreements, no having to discipline, no extra kids hanging out at the house. For her, it has been 9 months of freedom: no disagreements, no discipline, and lots of kids hanging around, lots of new experiences, lots of memories. For the two of us, we are both un-prepared for what’s next…the new schedule (for her), the new person in the house (for me) and this next lifestyle change.
As a childbirth educator, I prepare new parents for their changing lifestyle that comes after baby is here, and even through the next 18 years!
One of the topics that comes out at the first childbirth class is: “how is the baby going to change our life?” or “We already can’t do the things that we use to. When will our life get back to normal?” I prepare them for all this, and more! I guide them to information that will help them understand their choices and options, not only for birth, but also for parenting. Becoming a parent means not only a major lifestyle change, but also taking on the responsibility of raising a new human being: one, that someday, will be going to college.
Being a parent is hard work. So is labor. There are emotional highs and lows of parenting- when you are pregnant we refer to those highs and lows as ‘mood swings’.
When you are pregnant, your body changes and accommodates a growing fetus. When you’re a parent, you have to work on getting your body back to where it use to be.
When you’re pregnant, you begin to fully realize that the female body was designed to go through these normal pregnancy changes and is fully capable of nourishing a baby. When you’re a parent, your child’s accomplishments will nourish your soul.
When you’re pregnant, your partner learns to understand and appreciate what the mother is going through and learns how to help mom with physical and emotional comfort techniques. When you’re a parent, the pregnancy process brings you together as a couple which helps make being parents easier.
Studies have shown that people who take Childbirth Preparation classes feel more prepared not only for the birth process but also for the parenting process, and in fact, are better parents.
To quote Bill Cosby (comedian), “Childbirth is a natural thing. Intellectuals go to class to study ‘natural child birth.” Correct! With all the negative, scary, and over dramatization of childbirth on TV, it is easy for pregnant couples to become scared of the process, or to think that they can learn what they need to know from TV. They come into the hospital scared of pain, concerned of the well-being of the mom and baby, and unaware of their options. Most of this negative association can lead to more complications during the birth experience.
Childbirth education leads to easier births. We recognize the process of what nature has allowed to happen. There is an absolute reason to learn breathing techniques, cleansing breaths, slow deep breathing, and focused breathing. There is a reason a woman needs to master relaxation and recognize when she’s holding tension in her shoulders, jaw line or hands. There is a reason labor support is so important to the process.
You will still need breathing and relaxation techniques as a parent-we all remember being teens, correct???
Since there is no set schedule or plan for birth, the idea of being flexible and releasing control can be extremely overwhelming for many people (especially the pregnant mom!) This is a huge subject that comes up in childbirth classes. I love to prepare my couples for just this subject, because I know that the information allows them to process this change over the months of pregnancy. Education during pregnancy allows the parents time to discuss these lifestyle changes and begin to adapt them into their current lifestyle.
Parenting is 18 years of constant change!
There are many choices for your birth: where to deliver, what type of delivery, who will be attending the birth, and parenting styles.
Part of managing some of these issues is to be informed as to what you can do, what you can ask for, what choices and options are available. This is one of the most important subjects in a childbirth preparation class and can help to empower the couple’s birth experience, especially when changes arise. As couples attend childbirth classes together, they learn how to communicate, they learn empathy for each other and they recognize the importance of each of their roles.
Childbirth Preparation classes teach you options (flexibility) for your birth. Labor can empower you as a person. Support from your partner brings you closer together.
Parenting requires you to be strong, flexible, and work as a team.
My daughter is almost finished cleaning her room. Soon, we will be making the 9-hour drive home. I am prepared for her to be home again for the next 3 months, and then it’ll be back up here for another year of college-and the possibility that she may not come home next summer.
Once again, my life is changing.
We prepared her to be an adult. I am slowly working my way towards the realization that she is moving out, moving on, becoming a strong young woman. I prepared her well, thank goodness I am prepared for this…..
I am taking slow, deep breaths….
Stacey Scarborough is a certified childbirth educator and teaches for 2 major hospitals in San Diego, CA, as well as teaching privately in couples’ homes. She is also a certified lactation educator, fitness instructor, labor and postpartum doula, and co-owner of Beautiful Beginnings. She is a DONA, International approved Labor Doula Trainer. She has been married for over 30 years and has 3 wonderful adult children. Her personal website is www.preparingtheparents.org
